


Tales from the Party Crashers

by anzhelo



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Found Family, Tales From the Borderlands
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:21:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22228585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anzhelo/pseuds/anzhelo
Summary: An alternate retelling of Tales where Fiona and Sasha make their clean getaway following the destruction of the fake vault key, while Vaughn and Rhys must travel with two of the ruthless vault hunters that killed Jack.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

“What a steaming load of skag crap.”

Rhys glowered to where the whiny voice had come from. Bound as he was, but no less cocky, was that irritatingly familiar pair of pigtails.

“Well well, look who decided to show her face. I was just about to get to my favorite part,” he said coolly, dissolving quickly into anger, “you know, where you come in and ruin my life, you no class, SCHEMING, PANDORAN SCUM!” 

“Nice haircut, you lying Hyperion jackass.” 

“It is a nice haircut!” 

“Oh, shut _up_!” 

Rhys sputtered and flinched as gritty Pandoran dust was kicked up at his face.

“Stop it, stop it, you’re getting dirt in my eye!” he yelped. 

“Hoh that sucks, cuz I’m trying to get it in your lying _mouth!”_

Gaige glared down at him with enough venom to put down a rakk hive, eyes wild and teeth gritted. Rhys coughed out some wet dirt.

“Okay, okay, mission accomplished,” he said indignantly.

“It’s bad enough you gotta kidnap me,” Gaige pouted, turning to the stranger, “why you gotta make me talk to _him_ too?”

“I want both sides of the story,” the stranger rumbled, looking between the two of them, “Gaige, now it’s your turn.” 

“You couldn’ta asked me first?!” she whined, kicking her feet up in frustration, “you left me out here for hours with these stupid rakks dive bombing me, Ax probably going nuts tryna figure out where I am, no water in the hot sun, no—“

A shot rang through the camp, causing Rhys and Gaige both to flinch. They looked at each other with mutual discomfort.

“Fine,” Gaige seethed, “but it didn’t happen like _that_ …” 

“Okay, sure,” Rhys said, “what _really_ happened, huh?” 

“Well,” Gaige sighed, looking upward. She took a good moment to think it over;

“The vault key was a bust."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> plotholes? yes. maybe they got back early from fetching Aurelia. maybe they never did at all. you decide xoxo

The roar of a bandit technical tore through August’s base, debris and bandit bits flying everywhere. Music blared at ear bleeding decibels. Zer0 tore through psychos like butter, blood and viscera flinging everywhere. Rhys’s echo arm was out of control, spazzing and sending electric shocks sporadically. He and Vaughn whipped back and forth in panic, all senses under assault. They hardly registered Sasha taking off, or the mystery woman in the air vent joining her. Within seconds the two of them sped away while the Hyperion men, and August, ducked, weaved, and panicked through the sudden onslaught.

“Hey,” Vaughn called, “ _hey!_ Th-the key! The key is fake!” 

Rhys looks southward to the shattered key, it’s gorgeous purple glow ebbing away as it assumed it’s role of a useless slab of concrete. 

_“Wait,” interrupted the stranger, cutting off Gaige’s impression of Rhys’s utter agony at the situation, “how’d you get there in the first place?”_

_“Uh, duh, we drove?” Gaige said. The stranger seemed unimpressed._

_“Okay, fine, but it’s boring,” she groaned, digging lines in the dirt with her heel._

  
On the floating isle that was Sanctuary, things had been suspiciously stagnant. Gaige slapped her hand onto the digital bounty board, her enthusiasm drained. Behind her Axton leaned against a pillar, scraping blood and dirt off his dog tags. 

“What the _hell,_ ” Gaige finally snapped, causing Axton to fumble with the tags in panic and drop them, “it’s like they don’t think we’re competent, like, at _all!”_

“Who uh, who’s—“ Axton stuttered. 

“Lilith! And friggin’, Maya, and Brick, and Mordecai! They’re treating us like garbo!”

“I dunno, I think Maya’s alright—“ 

“Look where they sent Zer0,” Gaige continued to rant, “off to fight some—some crazy dubstep warlord, on their own! A-and Brick and Mordecai hunting down an ex Lance assassin?! Oh- oh- and what about Salvador taking down Terramorphous without us!” 

“Well he did a good job—“

“Don’t you get it,” Gaige spat, whipping around, “they left nothin’ for us! Because they don’t think we’re _competent_ enough!” 

Axton shuffled his feet awkwardly, unsure of what to say. He really hated when Gaige got like this. Tentatively he picked up his dog tags, aware that Gaige was still glaring at him. 

“Look, uh,” he said with little confidence, “I know it kinda sucks to sit around while our friends do cool stuff, but if it’s what Lilith wants us to do—“

“SCREW what Lilith wants!” Gaige cried, “God Ax, don’t you have anything to prove?” 

“Well—“

“She thinks I’m nothing more than a kid! Well guess what carrot head, I killed Handsome Jack!” 

“We killed Jack. And you have red hair too.” 

“And you-! She just sees you as the lowest bounty!” 

Gaige didn’t truly mean it, Axton was as tough a fighter as one could get. But that measly bounty was the surefire way to push his buttons. 

“She doesn’t—! She thinks I’m strong!” 

“Not strong enough,” Gaige mused, “to even take down one lil warlord?” 

Axton fumed, looking impatiently at the ground. 

“Okay, fine,” he said, “what do you have in mind.” 

Gaige grabbed his collar and pulled him close, their foreheads knocking together accidentally. They both winced.

“Tannis was telling me about another vault key on Pandora,” Gaige said in hushed tones, “and Hyperion wants it.” 

“We can’t let ‘em get it first!” Axton cried. 

“Shh! Yeah! I know!” she hissed, “listen stupid, this could be what it takes for Hyperion to bounce back. We can’t let that happen!” 

“Yeah I—! Wait. Shouldn’t we be telling Lilith about this then?”

Gaige rolled her eyes, pulling away from the huddle. “Tannis _tried_ , said she’s sure it’s fake or whatever. But what if she’s wrong? Siren intuition can’t be like, a hundred percent reliable, right?” 

Axton nodded slowly, squinting. 

“Think about it Ax, _a vault key_ , from right under Hyperion’s nose.” 

“Yeeaah…”

“And we get to keep all of the loot.” 

“...Yeeaah...” A stupid smile spread across Axton’s face. 

“Cool?” Gaige said, straightening, “then let’s steal the coordinates.” 

  
Inside the Raiders HQ it was uncharacteristically quiet, everyone was out doing something important. Tannis was passed out on one of the cots downstairs, and Lilith could be heard pacing about the control room, but it was otherwise empty. Gaige shuffled through some Echos while Axton kept watch. 

“Is this right?” he whispered, eyeing Tannis as she ripped a snore akin to a bandit technical being revved. 

“What’s that?” 

“Ya know...I’m all for a little uh, double crossing every once in a while, but this dun’t feel right. Stealing info from like, the most badassest siren in the universe.” 

“Ugh, you’re so lame,” Gaige whispered back, rolling her eyes, “first of all, Maya’s the most badass—“

“Well by extension we’re stealing from her too.”

“— _second_ , this is _definitely_ for the greater good.” 

Axton shuffled his feet again and scratched his ear. “If you say so.” 

Gaige shoved a chosen Echo in her bag and gave Axton a thumbs up. The two of them tiptoed out of the base and gently closed the door behind them. 

“Okay,” Gaige giggled, checking her HUD, “the key’s supposed to be in some junk heap called…’The World of Curiosities’...yeah, sounds like a dump. Near the dust, let’s fast-travel to Ellie’s and take a car.”

“Okay, but I’m driving.” 

“Ugh, you’re the worst. Fine.”


	3. Chapter 3

Gaige had to admit, it was hard to dislike riding shotgun when you were mounted on a seated turret that spat flaming buzzsaws. Even when there were no living targets, she could amuse herself on the longest of rides by launching the blades into cliffs and boulders, just to watch them ricochete precariously. 

“See that?” she crowed, “I just split that rakk in _half!_ ”

Axton didn’t answer, and she didn’t blame him. It’s always impossible to hear anyone while driving a technical.

Gaige leaned back in her seat and propped her feet up onto the turret, browsing through her echo. It was near a bandit town, and they needed to avoid a ruckus if they didn’t want to scare the seller of the vault key off. Their plan was to wait for the transaction to complete before killing the Hyperion employee and taking off.

“You think Zer0’s gonna give us any trouble?” Gaige asked, not expecting an answer as her voice was swept up by the wind. Zer0’s marker was rather close to the town, but she couldn’t tell at the moment if the assassin was moving towards or away from it.

“Moonshot!” she cried excitedly, finally catching Axton’s attention. The sky roared as a projectile took off, landing seconds later with a shudder on the other side of the cliff face. 

“Should we check it out?” Gaige said, peering down at the driver's seat. Axton shook his head and mimed tapping a watch. “Sure, yeah,” she huffed. 

Her bangs settled back over her face and the wind died down, as the vehicle began to slow to a crawl. They passed through the main gate to the town, cautious but for the moment free of suspicion. They blended in well.

“See this museum thing yet,” Axton said, avoiding the eye contact of a bandit using a portapotty with no door. 

“Noooooo,” Gaige replied, standing up to get a better view. 

“Sit down,” the commando immediately snapped, turning to look behind him, “that’s dangerous!”

“Ugh, you’re such a dad,” Gaige groaned as she slumped back into her seat. 

“Shut _up.”_

Some of the bandits were starting to take interest, but none did anything other than glare as the two kept their steady pace. They leisured through the town before coming round to the other end, behind the World of Curiosities. 

Gaige slid off her seat, popping every joint in relief. Axton stuck his tongue out in disgust as he jumped out of the bandit technical as well.

“How long d’ya think we’re gonna wait?” Gaige asked, hopping onto a wooden crate propped against the side of the building. 

“I dunno, it’s Hyperion. Maybe they’re super fast with deals, or somethin’,” Axton said as he picked his ear, “hey, caravan.”

Behind them, several yards down, was a half-hidden caravan. It seemed stagnant. 

“You think that’s gonna be a problem,” Gaige said as she swung her legs absentmindedly. 

“I dunno,” Axton said, squinting, “ Not armed, so, doubt it.” 

The sounds of a scuffle brought both of their attention to the back of the building. Finger to his lips, Axton crept towards the tented area, with Gaige at his heels. Both of them peered cautiously through bulletholes in the sheet metal. 

Four figures in all, Rhys, Vaughn, Sasha and August, and a broken vault key between them. The Rhys seemed furious, and his cybernetic arm was sparking and spasming, opening his mouth to say something, but a distant, rhythmic beat made him stop.

Everyone went silent to listen as the noise got louder, it was undoubtedly techno music. The ground shook with the force of each beat. 

“What’s that...sound…?” Vaughn asked tentatively, while the sound of screeching tires and bandit hollers grew close. 

Gaige was suddenly yanked from her spot seconds before the wall crumbled into shards. Bandit vehicles where everywhere, tearing down the building, kicking up dirt, while psychos poured into the area. 

“Watch it,” she snapped, her thanks to Axton as he pushed her back to her feet and axed a psycho about to shoulder into her. 

“Get your robot out!” he called, an SMG digistructing in his hands. 

“ _Get your robot out,_ ” Gaige mocked quietly, summoning DeathTrap, “his _name_ is DT…”

With DeathTrap hovering protectively behind her, she shimmied through the debris into where the shattered remains of the vault key lay forgotten. It was crumbled, smeared, and obviously fake. With a cry she kicked a chunk, which hit a psycho square in the face seconds before it would’ve gutted Rhys. 

“ _Nothing_ ever goes right,” she wailed, while DeathTrap tore into the psychos that charged at her. 

The boosted cackle of Bossanova snapped her out of her fit, which if anything made her more cranky. Zer0 leaped past her, probably not even registering she was there. 

“ _Now Bossanova_ ,” they cooed, “ _You know what I’m searching for. Tell me where it is_.” 

“I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT, _VAULT HUNTER_ ,” Bossanova bellowed, looking over to one of the Hyperion men while Zer0 continued to make ground meat out of his psychos. 

“OOH,” he exclaimed, chest reverberating, snatching a briefcase seconds before Vaughn or Sasha dove for it, “LOOKS LIKE OUR LUCKY DAY BOYS! LET’S RI-“

Bossanova’s vehicle blasted into a hard reverse and he tore through the opposite side of the building, disappearing into the massive clouds of dust it was kicking up. Zer0 was still tearing into the remaining bandits when a smoke bomb hit the floor with a click. Cloudy gas filled the room and Sasha took off, followed by another woman leaping out of an air vent and joining her.

“Hey!” Axton yelled as both women slid across the hood of his technical and made a break for the caravan, “that paint job’s new ya jackholes!”

Gaige broke free from the smoke, coughing and wheezing while DeathTrap circled around her worriedly. Axton lowered his gun to grab her by the arm, leaving Zer0 to the swarm of psychos. 

“Easy, hey, you alright?” he said urgently. Gaige shook her head, still coughing. “Right, okay, let's get you outta here.” 

Axton loaded her into the back of the technical, trying to be as gentle as possible while also avoiding getting shot. Once she was strapped in safety he jumped down into the driver's seat, only to land on another person. 

Both he and Rhys yelped in shock, Axton tumbling into the sand. A bullet bounced off the hood as he stood back up and faced the other man, glaring daggers. 

“Now-now hold on, it’s—it’s not what it looks like,” he stammered, looking over at Vaughn crouched behind him, “Okay it is but I am— _really_ sorry, okay?” 

Axton fumed for a second before shoving Rhys out of his seat. “I don’t have time for this,” he snapped, “You two better start telling me why I shouldn’t shoot you and leave your bodies in a-“

Another bullet hit the side mirror, sprinkling Gaige with glass. 

“There’s one reason,” Rhys said with pseudo confidence. August pelted the side of the technical with bullets, screaming at the "hyperion backstabbers". Axton revved the engine and took off. 


	4. Chapter 4

  
When the bandit town was just a speck in the horizon, Gaige finally stirred and sat up. 

“Hey,” Axton yelled, “you alright?” 

“I’m fine,” she yelled back, “I just- I couldn’t breathe!” 

“Don’t worry, we’re outta there!...Hey! Whaddaya wanna do with these two?” 

Rhys and Vaughn where clinging to each other in the passenger seat, whimpering incoherently. 

  
_“Yeah Gaige, what did you do when them, huh?” Rhys spat, “I mean other than try to kill us both and take our money!”_

_Gaige fidgeted uncomfortably. The two were tied back to back now._

_“You weren’t even supposed to be there,” she huffed._

_“Yeah, well, it didn’t stop you, did it?”_

_“Alright, alright, I get it,” the stranger said, “you didn’t trust each other.”_

_“As it turned out,” Gaige said, “we had good reason not to.”_

_“Enough,” the stranger readjusted their grip on the gun, “what happened next.”_

_“Mmmm,” she thought aloud, basking in Rhys’s frustration, “we did. We tried to kill them.”_

Rhys’s screams echoed over the roar of the wind and the hum of the technical’s engine, while Gaige unenthusiastically pushed him against the side. Axton drive nonchalantly, a gun pressed against Vaughn’s temple. 

“We should just shoot them first,” Gaige grunted, struggling to overpower Rhys’s iron grip on the side of the vehicle. 

“Save the effort, the fall’ll definitely kill em,” yawned Axton. 

“I’m _trying_ ,” Gaige said with a push, “this idiot won’t let _go_!”

“You _don’t_ wanna do this,” Rhys yelped. 

“Yeah we do!” Gaige said with another push. 

“W-we can find the money!”

“Hah?” 

“Th-that briefcase,” Vaughn cried, “it had ten million bucks in there!”

“It has a tracker,” Rhys continued desperately, “I can follow it!” 

“Ax,” Gaige sighed, looking to him. He shrugged. 

“Let ‘em back in,” he said. 

Gaige yanked Rhys into the back of the technical, the gangly man sprawling painfully on the hard metal. Axton lowered the gun away from Vaughn. 

“Even _if_ ,” Rhys coughed, “you got that money back, you wouldn’t be able to open it.”

“It has a top-of-the-line biometric lock,” Vaughn boasted, “it's impossible to open without me, or my passcodes.” 

Gaige snorted. “That’s cute. If I really need your DNA I’ll just cut somethin’ off of ya.” 

“I hate Pandora,” Vaughn whimpered. 

“If you say so,” Rhys said, hesitantly slinking to Vaughn’s side, “but getting the case is the hard part.” 

“Okay Hyperion,” Axton said, stretching his arms precariously as he left the wheel unattended, “find that money.” 

“Y-yeah,” Rhys replied, “I’m on it.” 

“Ooh, call Yvette!” Vaughn said.

“Yeah Vaughn, I know.” 

While Rhys called up his coworker, Gaige wormed her way to the front with Axton. 

“You trust these guys?” she asked. 

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” Axton replied, “sure were not bringing Lilith a vault key, but you think she’s gonna say no to _ten mil?_ ” 

“Yeah,” Gaige grinned, “you’re right.” 

“And maybe a coupla Hyperion hostages.” 

“Ha!” 

“We hear everything you’re saying,” Vaughn said. 

“A coupla Hyperion corpses,” Axton corrected. Vaughn quickly turned his attention to Rhys. 

“How’re you supposed to get the ID of another Hyperion employee,” he hissed, “we’re not allowed to talk to other Hyperion employees!” 

“So ya got nothing?” Axton mused.

Gaige gleefully shoved Rhys back against the side of the vehicle. “Out ya go!” 

“Wait-wait,” Vaughn said, “c-can’t you, I dunno, install someone else’s credentials?” 

“Nakayama’s ID drive,” Rhys gasped as his ribs hit the railing of the car a little too hard, “creepy—creepy black ops projects like that have to have higher security clearance than us!” 

“Nakayama,” Axton said, “sounds familiar. Did we kill that guy?” 

“I don’t think so,” Gaige said, “I think he kinda...just died. We were definitely there though. Remember how he wanted to clone Jack?” 

“Oh, yeah.” 

“Mmm’okay hyperion,” Gaige said, pulling Rhys back again into the safety of the back of the vehicle, “this’ll be fun.” 

Rhys caught his breath and tried to steady himself on the rickety technical. He straightened his vest and cleared his throat, producing the ID drive. 

“Watch and learn,” he said cockily, and plunged it into his skull. 

Immediately his body trembled and shook as electric shocks traveled through his system, Gaige and Vaughn taking a cautionary step back before Rhys collapsed to the floor, unconscious.


	5. Chapter 5

Gaige swung her legs over the rocky outcropping that framed the race track, occasionally stealing glances at Vaughn’s map. He, and that dumbass Rhys, had actually managed to track the money. Color her surprised.

She heard the crunching of sand as behind her, and Rhys staggered into view. The side of his face was slick with drool and he looked dazed, clearly fighting away the remains of a headache. 

“What uh, what happened,” he slurred. 

“You stuck that thing in your head and ate shit,” Gaige cackled as he stumbled to take a place next to Vaughn, “and then you drooled everywhere like a dumb baby. I had to stuff you under the turret so you wouldn’t fly out of the car.” 

“Yeah, I noticed,” Rhys griped, cracking his back.

“I tracked the money while you were...out,” Vaughn assured him. Rhys smiled half heartedly.

“Shut,” Axton snapped, peering at the track through the scope of his rifle, “there’s like, a gazillion bandits down there.” 

Rhys and Vaughn exchanged a look of annoyance, and Vaughn checked in on Rhys, making sure he was okay physically and mentally. 

“C’mere Hyperions,” Gaige said, waving them over. Again they exchanged a look. 

“So...the case is in...there,” Rhys said.

“Yup,” Axton lowered his rifle, “we think it’s an old Atlas warehouse, I dunno, it’s the bandits’ now.” 

“If that’s Atlas tech, you should be able to scan it,” Vaughn suggested. 

“Yeah robot boy,” Gaige teased, nudging Rhys with her robot arm, “go use your robot eye, robot boy.” 

“ _ Okay,”  _ Rhys snapped, wondering why all vault hunters had to be so nasty. His eye shimmered and glowed as it booted up, and briefly he looked over at the two seated by him. 

Axton didn’t have much on him, just a modified Dahl turret and a small arsenal of digistructed guns. Gaige, however, was littered with cybernetic upgrades. Her arm, some variation of an echo eye, and something encrypted called “D374-TP.EXE”. All “origin: unrecognized”, that was to say, built herself. It was impressive for an 18 year old, Rhys had to admit.

“Uh oh,” Axton muttered, immediately snapping Rhys’s attention to the building, “look who’s here.” 

“Come  _ on!” _ Gaige exclaimed as Zer0 leaped from the overarching cliff face to the roof of the building.

“Is that the vault hunter?” Rhys asked nervously. 

“Ugh, great, _ another  _ one,” Vaughn said, “you  _ know _ as soon a vault hunter finds a case with millions of dollars in it, it’s as good as gone. They’re worse than bandits…”

Vaughn caught Gaige and Axton staring at him and looked down sheepishly. 

“W-why don't I find us a way in,” Rhys said, looking outward, “I...I see a hatch. It’s guarded, but it leads under the building.” 

“Coolio,” said Axton, hopping off the rocks. 

“W-wait, I had a _ plan _ ,” Rhys whined as Gaige and Vaughn followed suit. He clumsily slid down the side after them, grouchy. 

Axton nonchalantly shot a round into the head of the guard, drawing absolutely no attention to himself. He nudged the hatch open with his boot and Gaige pushed Rhys towards the ladder. 

“My plan woulda worked,” Rhys muttered as he hesitantly descended. Axton followed, barely missing Rhys’s fingers with his heavy boots. Just as he looked upward to call Gaige in, the hatch shut suddenly. 

“Gaige!” he barked, making Rhys flinch, “what’re you- hey!”   
  
“Gimme a sec, okay?” Rhys said, “I got this.”   
  
There was a synthetic hum, and Rhys’s hand emitted a soft blue ray of light, encircled by a hologram.

“Gaige? Gaige!” Axton called upward, “it’s not funny! Open up! Okay, it’s a little funny, but seriously, open up before I get bored and strangle this guy.”   
  
“Please knock it off,” Rhys hissed weakly. He looked up to see Axton glaring down at him.   
  
“Oh I see how it is,” he chuckled darkly, “you and your Hyperion buddy wanted to separate us and pick us off. You idiots never learn, huh?”   
  


“ _ No, _ ” Rhys said, praying the vault hunter wouldn’t pull a gun on him, “I don’t know what’s going on either.”   
  
He yelped as Axton dropped off the platform, barely missing him and landing with a thud. Axton grabbed Rhys’s ankle and pulled him down, the Hyperion man landing clumsily on his back.    
  


“Walk in front of me,” Axton said, lazily motioning at Rhys with an SMG. Struggling to his feet, Rhys sighed and shuffled sadly ahead, his synthetic arm lighting the way. 

“Vaughn,” he said slowly into the receiver, “hey bro, do you copy? Come in Vaughn.” There wasn’t even the crackle of a blocked signal. “Dammit…”

His attention was quickly brought back to his arm as the GPS beeped, displaying the tracker. The crosshairs pulsed and slid across the display.

“Money’s on the move,” Rhys murmured, “but it’s close. We gotta hurry.”

He turned around for Axton’s approval, but the vault hunter quickly stretched his arm around Rhys’s chest and pressed him flat against the wall. Rhys was about to complain about personal space when a large trolly glided by, almost noiseless. That was another head injury avoided. If he wasn’t so annoyed with Axton he would’ve thanked him. 

The trolly rolled along its ceiling track into an open area, which the two peering into curiously. There were two levels, the top floor a line of railing that encircled the opening to the base. It was the basic abandoned industrial basement, tech and wires scattered about, the farthest wall with a faded label of “9A- GORTYS PROTOTYPE CALIBRATION.” On top of a slightly raised, circular platform, were three bandits conversing among each other. 

A fourth was off to the side, sporting the briefcase. Rhys held his breath as the bandit punched something into one of the computers and joined the other three, the platform whirring to life moments later and elevating them up towards the ceiling. 

“Bingo,” Axton said, eying the suitcase. He readied his SMG, but Rhys felt wrong about this.    
  


“Wait, he whispered, peering towards the sides, “waitwaitwait,” he pressed his hand on Axton’s gun, lowering it. Before Axton could snap at him, Rhys wordlessly pointed at two bandits patrolling the top level. Axton watched them go by, then shifting his eyes upward to the lift, which had now docked above ground and out of their sight.

Axton glared over to Rhys. “We gotta get to that lift,” Rhys explained. Axton nodded slowly.

“Mkay, I’ll get the one on the left, you take the one on the right.” He noted the look of hesitation on Rhys’s face. “Think your delicate Hyperion self can handle that,” he cooed mockingly. 

“I  _ got _ this,” Rhys said, bustling up. He ignored the cocked eyebrow Axton gave him and silently dropped onto the second level, facing the back of his bandit. Axton followed second, and silently but speedily crawled towards the left. Before Rhys was halfway to his target, Axton had already swung a hatchet into the skull of the first bandit, catching the body as it fell and silently laying it on the ground. He caught Rhys staring and playfully wiggled his eyebrows, to which Rhys gave a weak thumbs up. 

Facing the bandit in front of him, Rhys braced himself before leaping onto their back, wrapping one bony arm around their neck and grunting with exertion as he pulled. 

“Aw, Eric? Is that you,” the bandit said warmly over Rhys’s huffs, “wait wait wait wait, what is this? Is this real or,” he started to giggle, “or is this a joke?”

“Oh this is  _ real _ real,” Rhys growled, not letting up. Axton stood up over his corpse, grinning at the fiasco across from him. 

“Wait wait wait wait,” the bandit repeated, “that’s not Eric!”

“ _ No _ it’s not Eric, it’s your  _ doom!  _ Stop squirming!”

“Need a hand, dude?” Axton laughed, motioning with his hatchet. 

“I got it!”

“Nope,” said the bandit, none the happier, “no he doesn’t! He does noooot got it...”

“Shaddap.”

Effortlessly, the bandit shoved Rhys against the wall, knocking him off his back. Rhys whipped around dazedly to see the bandit cackling, holding  _ his  _ shock prod. 

“Nah, I got ya, get back man,” he mused. Rhys held his hands up, looking over at Axton desperately.

“Nice, dude!” Axton crowed, “I love what I see so far!”

“I  _ don’t... _ need that right now,” Rhys whimpered. He looked back at the bandit, who was fiddling with the prod.

“How do I, uh…”

“Here, lemme just--” Rhys’s index finger brushed the release button, shooting the electrified end of the prod into the stomach of the bandit, sending him and the baton flying. Rhys watched, mouth agape as the prod arced over his head, before instinctively reaching out and grabbing it by the handle. He took a minute to catch his breath before looking back at Axton, who was picking at his teeth.

“C’mon!” Rhys cried, waving the baton over his head, “you can  _ not _ say that wasn’t cool.”

“Huh?” Axton said, looking him over.

“The- did- didn’t you see me?!”

“Uh...must’ve missed it.”

Rhys whined and kicked at nothing, retracting the electric prod and shuffling towards where Axton was inspecting the room.

“Hey future boy,” Axton said, “what is all this junk?”

“Atlas tech,” Rhys grumbled, “can’t you tell by their giant, bright yellow logos everywhere?”

“Yeah well- cuz- yeah of course I can,” Axton snapped. Rhys shook his head. The vault hunter sauntered up to the monitor and pressed the spacebar a few times. “Ugh, it’s locked.”

To Rhys’s horror, Axton readied his SMG to shoot the screen. Rhys quickly pressed his hands against Axton’s arms, pushing the gun aside. 

“W-wait, please, may I?” he asked meekly. Axton glowered at him before stepping back. Rhys crouched over the keyboard, echo-eye whirring to life as he manually broke down the system’s defences. There was a clacking noise and Rhys peered over to see Axton holding the gun up to his side once again. 

“Aw, c’mon,” Rhys huffed, “aren’t we past this?”

“Past this?” Axton snorted, “look buddy, you’re Hyperion, I’m a vault hunter. It’ll take a good while before we get ‘past this’.”

“But you weren’t...always a vault hunter,” Rhys began slowly, looking over the metal Dahl insignia affixed above Axton’s brow. The other man stiffened slightly. “And if I remember right, Dahl and vault hunting had a pretty rocky relationship.”

“I didn’t choose to be discharged,” Axton spat.

“But you chose to be a vault hunter.”

Axton went quiet, glowering, before he finally straightened up. “Whatever, I did, and I like it a lot more too. The difference is I’m never crawling back to Dahl. But once  _ you  _ get your slimy hands on that money, we know you and your buddy are catching the next ship to Elpis faster than a Zaphord can down a keg of rakk-ale.”

Rhys knew some of those words. He looked back at the screen. He was making decent work through the system so far. 

“Hey, it’s not like I’m saying Hyperion’s fantastic,” Rhys said softly, “it’s kind of a huge mess up there too.”

“Oh, boo-hoo.”

Rhys didn’t respond, and in a moment there was a chirp from the monitor. 

“What was that,” Axton said suspiciously. Rhys recoiled a bit as he loomed over him. 

“Power systems,” he explained quickly, “it’s starting up.” He felt Axton’s eyes on him.

“...What’s it like in that junk heap anyway?” Axton finally asked. 

“What, Helios?”

“Yeah.”

Rhys pondered for a second. “It’s ah, hectic. But it’s where I belong.” 

“A soulless cog spinning away under an evil corporation that cares more about profit than individual well-being? Yeah, I guess so.”

“ _ Look, _ ” Rhys said defensively, “When I was ten years old I started a club with my friends just so I had an excuse to print business cards. All I ever wanted to do was run a company, and Hyperion’s the biggest company there is, so...yeah.”

“You had friends,” Axton asked, barking out a laugh as Rhys scowled at him, “Nah I’m just kidding dude, but seriously that’s really sad.”

“Okay,” Rhys sighed sadly, turning back to the screen, “I gotta...I uh, have to…” he sniffed, “concentrate…”

He kept typing, but he could still feel Axton staring at him. “Can I help you,” he said. 

“What’s your electric pokey thingie?” Axton asked. 

“It’s a stun baton,” Rhys said, biting back  _ idiot _ , “the JR4000.”

“That means nothing to me.”

“Well, you saw what it can do. Don’t touch it.”

“Oooh, mister bossy,” Axton cackled. Finally, Rhys stood up with a triumphant sigh. 

“We are in,” he hummed, cracking the joints on his human hand. A robot female voice called from the speakers,  _ password override, system online.  _ “That’s what I’m talking about.”

“Guess I’m glad I didn’t strangle ya out of boredom back there,” Axton grinned. Rhys looked over at him tiredly. 

“Thanks, man…I uh, give me a second to get the lift moving.”

Axton picked up on a familiar bark. “You might wanna hurry it up, buddy.”

Rhys’s hand projected a selection of glitched, warped text, accompanied by the wrist joint spasming alongside the flickering of the light. 

“Oh, dammit not now,” he hissed, slapping his metal wrist. There was the sound of something numerous and heavy smacking the ground. Rhys whipped around in time to see numerous metal cages open, releasing their deadly contents; skags.

They paced towards the two, before one let out a shrill howl. Rhys faced Axton in terror, but the vault hunter looked barely inconvenienced. 

“Just some dogs,” he said, and the contraption on his shoulder glowed as he flung out a digitstructed turret. It immediately tore into the skags in front of it, ripping apart their armored skin like fondant. Rhys flinched at the viscous spray that erupted from the bloodbath and tried to focus back on his hand. 

“Oop,” said Axton, whipping about to shoot a skag in the belly as it pounced at him. There was a nasty smack as it collided into him, sending them both sprawling. “Shit,” Axton yelped as its wicked teeth closed on the turret mount on his shoulder, which was glowing still as the turret was still in use. There was a wail from the vault hunter and Rhys stiffened, thinking the skag had just torn his throat out. But rather it had crushed the turret digistructor in its jaws, sparks fizzing around its head as it shook the ruined tech around. 

“God dammit,” Axton cried, kicking the skag to its side before releasing a spray of bullets into its open mouth. “Okay Hyperion, we’ve got a problem now!”

_ Awesome,  _ Rhys thought, crouched into a corner as Axton fought back the wave of skags. 

“I-I almost got it!” Rhys called, sweat pouring down his face. His head ached as an unfamiliar voice echoed directly throughout his brain.

_ Do you, champ? Do you almost got it? _

Rhys shook his head in surprise. “Yeah, I do!”

“Do  _ what?”  _ Axton grunted as he wrestled a skag off his boot. 

“Uh, nothing! Just...just gimme a sec…”

He randomly selected one last encrypted option, praying to whatever was listening, and finally the lift shuddered and began to rise. Rhys whooped, getting Axton’s attention as he scurried to the platform. Axton shot one more skag in the throat before joining him, fighting back the creatures as they rose upward. 

_ Look at you...a real winner! _

Rhys winced as the voice tore across his conscience. He looked up at Axton, but the vault hunter was preoccupied with shooting. He took a deep breath to calm himself, looking behind them, and just catching the alpha skag.

It was prowling about the second level, and Rhys locked eyes with it’s dark, alien gaze. He couldn’t find his voice as he desperately grabbed at Axton. The vault hunter glanced at him before catching sight at the skag, and tried to let loose a flurry of bullets. But the cartridge clicked unresponsively. 

“Shit, empty,” Axton swore, smacking his hands over his pockets, “shit shit shit, SMG ammo, ammo, shit,  _ I never use this stupid gun!” _

The skag pounced, and seconds before it would’ve ripped Rhys’s face clean from his skull, it suddenly halted in mid-air. Blood spurted from its throat, and seconds later an odd figure materialized between them. They lowered their sword, and the dead skag slid to the floor harmlessly. 

“God dammit,” Axton snapped, and the person turned around. They cocked their head at Axton and displayed a “:-P”. 

“ _ Nice to catch you here,”  _ they rasped, almost amused, “ _ if you see a Gortys core, could you let me know?” _

“Hah, hi Zer0,” Axton said flatly. 

“That was really cool,” Rhys blurted out. Zer0 turned to him and displayed a heart emoji. Rhys choked out a flustered laugh. Their demeanor turned serious again as they faced Axton once more. 

“ _ Seriously though, what are you two doing here? Lilith won’t be pleased.” _

Axton smirked humorlessly. “What’s it matter? Gaige and I are just...ya know, just messing around, like we do. Not our fault you decided to barge in for  _ your _ mission.”

Zer0 shook their head. The lift descended into open air. 


	6. Chapter 6

Gaige was ready to follow suit as she watched Axton descend down the ladder, but Vaughn suddenly slammed the lid just as she heard someone bark out an order.

“Hey- get away from that!”

She and Vaughn both shot up. Gaige instinctively reached for her gun, but she felt Vaughn grab her wrist. 

The bandit strolled up to them and looked them over, not particularly hostile. He hm’ed. 

“Odd pair, we got glasses-face and pigtail-girl. You guys really know how to accessorize. What’re you two doing here?”

“You don’t  _ know _ me?” Gaige scoffed, “the vaul-”

“ _ We! _ ” Vaughn interrupted, squeezing her wrist tighter. Gaige made a disgusted sound and wrenched her arm free. “We’re uh, we- we’re supposed to be here!”

“...Yeeah,” Gaige said, “what are  _ you _ doing here?”

“Uh...okay,” the bandit said hesitantly, “I’m also supposed to be here. This is my job.”

“Then what’s the confusion?” she smirked. The bandit looked around uncomfortably. 

“I guess...none- wait, yeah! You’re  _ not _ supposed to be back here, so what’s the deal? You riders or somethin’?”

“Yeah we’re riders! So why don’t you get my damn car,” Gaige said, crossing her arms. 

“Jeez, alright,” the bandit said defensively, putting his hands up, “that’s one way to go about it. I’ll get to it your highness, jeez…”

Gaige grinned over at Vaughn, who looked like he had just started breathing again. The bandit had shuffled off dejectedly, and the two followed behind. 

“If we’re gonna blend in with bandits, we gotta look the part,” Gaige said, browsing through her echo device. 

“So like, what, smother ourselves in entrails and roll around in the dirt?” Vaughn asked.

Two psycho masks digistructed from Gaige’s pack. “I mean, if you want,” she said, affixing one to her face. Vaughn wordlessly grabbed the other and slipped it on. 

“What about Rhys? And uh, your friend,” he asked, voice muffled. 

“Ax can handle himself,” Gaige said, “but I’ve  _ always _ wanted to race in a Pandoran derby.”

Vaughn sighed. “So it’s about you know, is it?” Gaige put a mechanical arm on his shoulder, her masked face looking up at him soulfully. 

“It’s about  _ us. _ ”

“Thanks,” Vaughn muttered, watching her take off and clamber onto an armoured truck. There were two motorbikes saddled on the back, perfect for making a speedy getaway. Vaughn struggled onto the metal bed, and one of the bikes immediately collapsed on him. Gaige struggled to pull him free as the doors to the area opened.

“I could be on a nice clean space station right now, tabulating columns of  _ beautiful  _ numbers,” Vaughn whined, adjusting his mask. 

“Tabulating? Pfft, nerd,” Gaige snickered. Vaughn looked around at the bandits crawling over their own vehicles and gulped.

“This doesn’t  _ bother _ you? We’re kinda really screwed!”

“Uhh, I’m a vault hunter, remember? The guy who killed  _ your _ overlord, and his pet vault demon lava monster? A bunch of bandits is nothin’ to me and DT. Besides, they’re like, totally preoccupied.”

Vaughn watched a marauder shove a psycho off of their vehicle, a massive wheeled crane. He shivered. “I guess.” 

A monitor affixed to the wall blinked on, and Bossonova appeared on screen. He seemed to struggle with his speaker before announcing the race would start in thirty minutes. 

“Are you kidding with this?” Vaughn groaned.

“Relax,” Gaige said. 

“Guns, guns, more guns...Gaige, what do we do?”

“Dude, chill out,” Gaige removed her mask, “we’re gonna slip through this race, find Ax and Rhys, and get the hell outta here. Easy-peasy.”

“Not easy-peasy! You’re gonna get us killed!”

Gaige sighed and crouched down next to where Vaughn was sitting. “Listen skinny, I’ll get us outta here one way or another. I didn’t get this far to get run over by a buncha bandits.”

“When you say us, you mean the  _ four  _ of us, right?”

She playfully punched his arm, nearly knocking him over. “Sure dude!”

Bossanova’s voice boomed over the speakers once more as they passed another monitor. 

_ “AND OWING TO TODAY’S EARLIER HAPPENINGS, THE GRAND PRIZE FOR THIS RACE IS...A ONE OF A KIND HYPERION MYSTERY BOX! NO ONE’S BEEN ABLE TO OPEN IT, BUT YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT…” _

Gaige guffawed and slapped her knee triumphantly. “See that Vaughn? If we just win their race, they’ll literally hand it over to us! Ugh, so easy-peasy!”

“But we still have to  _ win  _ a  _ death race _ ,” Vaughn said, slipping his mask off as well. The truck continued to roll along until they were just outside the gates to the track. Gaige hopped towards the front and gave the roof a slap, signalling the bandit inside to halt. The truck lurched, sending Vaughn nearly falling over once more, and the bandit clambered out of the driver’s seat and left. Gaige pulled Vaughn to his feet roughly and clapped his back. 

“Calm down dude, we totally got this,” she chirped. When he couldn’t muster a response, she sighed. “Try not to embarrass me out there, Vaughn.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“I have a reputation to uphold, and most of those bandits out there know me down to my blood type. So don’t, like, suck.”

“You need to work on your motivational speeches.” He slid onto one of the motorbikes and felt the handles experimentally. With a tentative hand, he revved the engine, a small smile spreading across his face. Gaige shook his shoulder.

“See?” Gaige cheered, “You just gotta let loose a little! Release your inner bandit! Juuust don’t hurt yourself…”

Vaughn continued to revv his bike, and Gaige wandered towards another monitor, still fixated on Bossanova. “Cool setup,” she said to herself. Vaughn’s cries immediately brought her attention back.

“Help, help,” he whispered as a psycho crouched over him, their faces inches apart, “I think he wants to eat my eyeballs.”

“Oooh, probably,” Gaige said, cocking her head. 

The psycho spasmed excitedly. “TASTY EYEBALLS...GOOD FOR FRICASSEE!” 

“Help!” Vaughn cried weakly. 

“MY DOOM-BUGGY...FILTHY DEATH-STEALER!”

“Nononono, y-you’ve got this all wrong! G-Gaige, help me!”

The psycho breathed loudly over him as he locked eyes with Gaige. “If you let him kill me,” he added, “you’ll never open that briefcase.” 

“Pfft, sure I can,” she snickered, “with or without your bio-signature, cuz uh, I dunno if your friend here will leave any fingers left for me to use otherwise.” She grinned harder at Vaughn’s scowl. “But, like, legiterally, I could open any hyperion lock faster than this guy can eat your lips.”

The psycho growled excitedly at Gaige’s suggestion. 

“But he can’t defuse the bomb synced to my bio-signature,” Vaughn said quickly. 

“Bomb? There’s a bomb in the case?!”

The psycho grabbed Vaughn by the back of the neck, to which Vaughn yelped a feeble “lemme go!” Gaige stared for a good second before grabbing the psycho and headbutting it, sending them both staggering backwards. She shook her head and rubbed it. When she looked upward the psycho was punching the air excitedly. 

“Meat-buddies ridin’ the death train!” he cried. Gaige shot a dazed grin at Vaughn. 

“It’s not so hard to reason with ‘em,” she said, “I got a friend like this.” 

“I hope I never meet them,” Vaughn groaned, rubbing the back of his head. 

_ “Meeat. MEEAAT!” _

“MEEAAT!” Gaige screamed back, making Vaughn flinch. She slid the mask over her face, and he followed suit. The door to the track began to rumble, and Bossonova’s amplified voice rang out once again. 

“ _ WHAT’S THIS? OOOOH, LOOKS LIKE WE’RE STARTING EARLY!” _

“Dyin’ high on a psycho-cycle,” their meat buddy cheered. Vaughn shook his head as their new friend clambered onto the bike next to him. 

“You Pandorans are all crazy, you do know that, right?” he said, looking backwards to where Gaige had seated herself over the driver’s seat.

“I’m not from Pandora, dummy,” she said cheerfully. 

“Oh forgive me.  _ You’re _ crazy. You’re crazy Gaige.”

The truck engine roared and the vehicle shook, the psycho babbling in excitement. The track opened up to them, a wasteland of stray buzzsaws and awaiting bandit fleets. 

“Oh this is gonna rule,” Gaige cackled. 

“Life come, life...go,” Meat Buddy said, “GO, GO, GO, GO!”

With a lurch that sent Vaughn face first into his handlebars, the Truck tore into the area, Gaige’s delighted whoops and hollers drowning out Vaughn’s mantra of no’s. 


End file.
